A few months before my third child Lily was born, I rushed to finish writing my novel The Gossamer Thread, knowing that it would be a long time before I had the time to think about it again. Even in the delivery room I was finalizing my website, pleased that I was tying up loose ends that I wouldn’t be able to finish for many months to come. That was an understatement! It’s been over two years – a blur of sleepless nights, occasional memorable moments (a first tooth, an unforgettable belly laugh, a cherished phrase), chauffeuring children around Los Angeles to violin practices, piano lessons,flute lessons, tennis matches, gymnastic classes, toddler groups, Sunday school etc., making last minute decision with my nanny (recently turned Cordon Bleu student chef) about what to cook for dinner, buying everything and anything on Amazon prime, endlessly volunteering at their hipster private school, assisting countless clients through relationship emergencies – all while holding myself back from texting or checking emails in the car – my extended office – or attempting in my few private moments to read something semi-intellectually stimulating on my i-pad, desperately wanting to reconnect with the thoughts I had before my life melted into this “gluppity-glupp” of being a mom in West LA – that has taken over my inner life and creativity.
After mindless toddler groups and lunches, listening to other gluppity moms banter about why their two year old won’t share his toys or sleep through the night, or why their seven year old must attend Kuyam three times a week to simply keep up with their peers, or why they have decided to inject themselves with botox to look like they did twenty years prior, or why they are juicing themselves into anorexia, Lulu lemoning their workout clothes so they can fit the part at their intensely heated yoga class or upbeat spinning class, manicuring and pedicuring themselves on Montana Ave., buying an array of Rag and Bone boots, colored jeans, Tom Ford sunglasses, Luis Vuitton purses and Gucci wallets. Thneeds, thneeds and more thneeds. Everyone continues to need more and more thneeds! I have sunken into this world of excess, this gluppity glupp like quicksand even though I consider myself to be an aware, intuitive, well-educated woman. My intellectual and soulful self has shut down, craving the glupp like an addict craves her drug of choice.
In this fast-paced, techno-savvy, social networking – blogging, tweeting, face-booking, instagramming, linking-into the world — my deepest thoughts that haunt and preoccupy my dreams each and every night – are instantly forgotten when I awaken as swiftly as pressing the like button on a friends facebook page. Gone are the days of dream journaling in an actual journal not an on-line website and meditating (without plugging in) on archetypal images that arise nightly in my dreams. In the day world of gluppity glupp, we all have no real idea who we are and what we ACTUALLY like. Where we are going or why we are navigating there. We only press buttons and view pages because we see other friends pressing them too. We only visit pages and places because we are told they are worthy to visit. Yet, all of this button pressing, visiting, lingering, wondering around launches us away from our truest callings and back into the gluppity glupp.
We are all living in this goo. This giant, sweltering pot, brimming and teeming with mostly useless, disturbing, overwhelming images and information that continues to amass and compound on itself daily, erasing our own deepest images that will assist us in cleansing this gluppity glupp and leading us to a place of clarity. We sink deeper into this stuff because we are already IN it – and have no LORAX to lift ourselves out into the way things used to be pre world wide web and gluppity glupp. Many of us turn to spirituality, yoga, meditation, religion, sex, – some drinking, drug using, overeating, under-eating, shopping, gambling, gaming – which may bring us moments of escape, however as Phillip Cushman, author of Constructing America, Constructing Ourselves named years ago, we are still falling deeper and deeper into “our empty selves” and this emptiness leaves room for the glupp to amalgamate.
Thus – I have decided to begin the slow, arduous process of a daily cleansing of this glupp, emerging anew and rejuvenated out of the goo. I am back writing a new YA novel – The Secrets of the World Wide Web as well as finally finding a home for The Gossamer Thread. Since Lily is now nearing pre-school age, (with mixed emotion) I sense a light at the end of the long tunnel of caring for very young children. As much as I have complained about not having time to think, I wouldn’t trade anything for the years of mindful attention that I have given to my children (even though much of it was given whilst an overpowering machine spit out gluppity glupp in every imaginable corner.)
We all have to work hard at stopping this abounding force, setting boundaries for ourselves and our children and allowing ourselves the time to process and think. Once we do this, the glupp begins to evaporate and the swammy swams can once again sing and fly free.